Fading
Series: Fading #1
Author: E.K. Blair
Rating: 3.5 Groupie Stars
"I'm fading. He took all my light, and I've been fading ever since."
Can a guilty conscience keep wounds from healing?
Fine arts major, Candace Parker, grew up with a mother who thinks image is everything, and her daughter's perfection will never be good enough. About to graduate college and pursue her dreams of becoming a professional ballerina, Candace decides it's time to let go and have a little fun. But fun is short-lived when a brutal attack leaves her completely shattered.
The memories that consume and torment Candace are starting to destroy her when she meets Ryan Campbell, a successful bar owner. He feels instantly connected and tries to show her that hope is worth fighting for. But is Ryan harboring his own demons? As walls slowly begin to chip away, secrets that are held within start to become painful burdens.
At what point do secrets become lies?
The characters were really hard to connect with in this book. It almost felt like I was reading a girl's diary about her day to day life during most of the book. A lot of the book was repetitive that could have been eliminated to make the book flow better and not drag the way it did.
The book begins in the fall of Candace's last year of College. She comes from a very wealthy influential family who expect her to follow in line after college and do something respectable with herself, and that does not include dancing. Candace is brutally raped early in the book by her date that her parents felt would be a perfect match. I was irritated by the fact that she refused to turn him in or tell anyone about it. She stays stuck in the horrible act in her head for months, reliving it and not trying to move past it.
"I sit here, on the bottom of the shower, and everything I know about myself, everything I love, everything I am begins to fade."
She meets Ryan through her best friend Jace. Neither one know at the time that Ryan was the person that saved her after the rape and called the police. The begin a slow friendship and Candace is very hesitant to let anyone in. Jace tries to push her to go out and to move past what happened but Candace can not seem to let go. She has vivid nightmares and is constantly worried she will see the man who raped her anytime she goes out. She throws herself into school, work, and her dance. Hoping that it will help her forget about what happened.
The book begins in the fall of Candace's last year of College. She comes from a very wealthy influential family who expect her to follow in line after college and do something respectable with herself, and that does not include dancing. Candace is brutally raped early in the book by her date that her parents felt would be a perfect match. I was irritated by the fact that she refused to turn him in or tell anyone about it. She stays stuck in the horrible act in her head for months, reliving it and not trying to move past it.
"I sit here, on the bottom of the shower, and everything I know about myself, everything I love, everything I am begins to fade."
She meets Ryan through her best friend Jace. Neither one know at the time that Ryan was the person that saved her after the rape and called the police. The begin a slow friendship and Candace is very hesitant to let anyone in. Jace tries to push her to go out and to move past what happened but Candace can not seem to let go. She has vivid nightmares and is constantly worried she will see the man who raped her anytime she goes out. She throws herself into school, work, and her dance. Hoping that it will help her forget about what happened.
"The freedom you can find within the strict boundaries of technique makes me feel alive. I am happiest when I dance."
Ryan and Candace's relationship grows more serious but she still holds back against intimacy with Ryan. She freaks out every time he touches her for more than a few seconds or tries to go further than kissing. Honestly, I don't know how or why the guy puts up with her crazy for as long as he does without knowing why she acts like that! I would get a complex! Ryan tries very hard to get Candace to come out her shell and to let him in behind her wall.
"The night he took everything from me: my trust, my peace, my security, my faith-my light. He took it all and left me with nothing."
After several, several months, Candace finally starts to open up to him, but still won't tell him what happened. She doesn't feel that she deserves his attention or his love because of what happened. She also learns that Ryan was a bit of "ladies" man before her and isn't sure that she likes that. Ryan tells her about his rough childhood and that the other women were just a way to deal, but since meeting her, he hasn't felt that way(swoon). She finally tells him about her rape and he is ever the strong, alpha male, wanting to know who it was and that he would "kill" him for doing that to her.
"I promise you. nothing will change the way I look at you. Nothing will change what you do to me when you're next to me. You make my heart beat in a completely different way-nothing will ever change that."
Ryan and Candace's relationship grows more serious but she still holds back against intimacy with Ryan. She freaks out every time he touches her for more than a few seconds or tries to go further than kissing. Honestly, I don't know how or why the guy puts up with her crazy for as long as he does without knowing why she acts like that! I would get a complex! Ryan tries very hard to get Candace to come out her shell and to let him in behind her wall.
"The night he took everything from me: my trust, my peace, my security, my faith-my light. He took it all and left me with nothing."
After several, several months, Candace finally starts to open up to him, but still won't tell him what happened. She doesn't feel that she deserves his attention or his love because of what happened. She also learns that Ryan was a bit of "ladies" man before her and isn't sure that she likes that. Ryan tells her about his rough childhood and that the other women were just a way to deal, but since meeting her, he hasn't felt that way(swoon). She finally tells him about her rape and he is ever the strong, alpha male, wanting to know who it was and that he would "kill" him for doing that to her.
"I promise you. nothing will change the way I look at you. Nothing will change what you do to me when you're next to me. You make my heart beat in a completely different way-nothing will ever change that."
"Dropping his head to mine, he confesses softly: You're the only one I've ever done that with. You're the only one I've ever made love to."
Candace finds out that Ryan knew she was the girl he saved and broke it off with him. She couldn't understand why he would never have told her that he knew who she was. With the help of her friends and a therapist she makes it through the last few months of college and graduates. She is accepted into the New York Ballet and is getting ready to get on the plane when she realizes that maybe this isn't her dream anymore.
"I love you" will never be strong enough for what I feel for you."
"Every day I do everything I can just to hold myself together, and when I think I'm finally getting past this, something happens, and I am reminded just how weak I am. And I don't know what to do. I just wish I knew what to do, but I don't."
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